the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
