sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
