I'm so fucking centered right now
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if only i could text you this smell
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
