I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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