How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
