You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
