I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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