need another drink. this is the easiest way
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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