Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
