Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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