Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
