hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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