please come you make the beer taste better
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
