I'm going to rape someone's good day.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come share oat with me in your robe
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