as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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