She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
