Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Non-Jews are for practice
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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