I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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