Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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