I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
