I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
