I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
