nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
