I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
