I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
