I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
