Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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