Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
