Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
