Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish you could order shots online.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
