At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
