Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
