Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
