Ketchup is God's man juice
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
