I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
