You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My friends, they love my intelligence
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
