I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
