I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
