dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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