the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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