I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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