PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
