actually, I'm a sock model
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
