omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
