sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
love makes seman taste better
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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