Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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