i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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