how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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