No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
