Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
