I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
