i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
