Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
