I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
