Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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