You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
