i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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