My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
